Hard Lesson, Soft Heart

Not long ago, I reached a place in my walk where I was willing to do whatever God directed me to do.

That sounds commonplace, but it isn't really. I'm not talking about a willingness to obey God because I'm a Christian. I'm talking about a commitment to do whatever it is God asks of me, regardless of what it is or what I think about it. Not all of us spend all of our time in that place. Some of us struggle mightily with trying to work out our own problems and make our own decisions based on what we know, think or feel.

I've been in this place of eager obedience before. I remember 25 years ago arriving in Chapel Hill, North Carolina the night before I was to meet the #2 melonoma researcher in the country.

I remember being completely lost and afraid ten years ago when my husband left us.

I wonder if others come to this place most often during times of great fear and confusion. I've often told my older children that sometimes God has to remove everything else from your life so that He is the only place left to turn. Stinks to need that kind of refocusing, but the benefits, if you acccept them, are beyond reason.

This time around, it isn't fear that has propelled me to this willingness to do whatever God has in mind. This time, it is a product of having spent the last year paying for a wrong decision. Not a bad decision, just the wrong one. One more instance of asking for wisdom and then not waiting for it.

Since God is the perfect parent, He understands that sometimes the best way to teach your children is to let them suffer the consequences of thier own actions. The harder the lesson, the better the memory.

So now I have committed to do whatever I need to do to be where God was trying to get me a year ago. Of course, I've advised my Father that I would be ever so pleased if He would scratch it on a stone tablet and chuck it at my head. Just to be safe.